At CharacterStrong, we always commence our staff Professional Development Trainings with the reminder, “It’s all about relationships.” This adage rings true, reflecting the foundational role of human connection in our lives. Dr. Lisa Berkman's landmark Alameda County Study in 1979 illuminated this reality. Over nine years, studying 7,000 individuals aged 35 to 65, she determined that those who lacked social or community connections were three times more likely to die of a medical illness. We also know that students in every one of our classes are coming in with Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES)¹.

The Importance of Positive Relationships

Practices will tell you that one of the number one things that a student needs to be successful in dealing with childhood trauma is a consistent positive relationship. Schools are realizing very quickly how critical it is that they focus on teaching not only the traditional academic core classes but also the social emotional and character skills of their students. We can no longer wrongly assume that students should, “know better”. The fact is that students do not always know what strong relationship skills look like. No matter what social emotional and or character curriculum a school may be implementing to support their students, the number one way that we are going to teach students these important skills is by role-modeling them ourselves. This research underscores the significance of building relationships, particularly in educational settings.

As educators, we navigate diverse landscapes, and each school day presents us with opportunities to foster positive relationships. We have to rely on effective strategies and the guidance of visionary school leaders who understand the vital role of cultivating a classroom environment that involves a focus across different domains of student well-being and performance, intentionally focused on academic success, critical thinking, higher emotional support, and at the end of the day better relationships.

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What is EMR? 

Research has shown that building positive teacher-student relationships³ is an extremely effective strategy for enhancing classroom engagement and establishing favorable connections. A few years ago I was introduced to Dr. Clayton Cook who, at the time, was a professor at the University of Minnesota in the Department of Educational Psychology. Now he is CharacterStrong's Chief Development Officer helping us create our MTSS Solutions. Dr. Cook introduced me to a transformative strategy called EMR⁴ or Establish, Maintain, and Restore which guides teachers with important practices to create and support effective relationships with their students. EMR is a specific framework for understanding student-teacher relationships in which three dimensions of relationships are highlighted: Establishing the relationship through positive interactions, Maintaining the relationship with continued support and encouragement, and Restoring the relationship following episodes of teacher-student conflict.

The goal of the Establish-Maintain-Restore process is to help you reflect on the status of the relationship you have with each student in your classroom.

1. Start by taking a class roster and label each name with either an E an M or an R. If you are still establishing a relationship (E), if you have a positive relationship started and need to continue to maintain a relationship (M), and if you recently have had a negative or punitive interaction with the student and need to restore the relationship (R).
2. Next, pick one or more students that you marked with an (E) to focus on for the next two weeks using 1-2 intentional strategies to build a relationship with that student.
3. Finally, pick one student that you marked with an (R) to focus on for the next two weeks using one intentional practice to restore the relationship with that student.

How does EMR work?

Establish

Make time to implement one or more of the following with the intention of having individual time with the student.

Banking Time: Finding individual time to spend with a specific student to deposit into the relationship.

• Asking open-ended questions
• Validation Statements
• Active Listening

Track Personal Information: Gather, review, and find opportunities to reference important information about a student.

• Special occasions, pets, family members, hobbies, likes/dislikes
• Gather information through:
  • Brief convos with the student.
  • Sentence completion forms (Idea: Give each student a notecard and have them write down one thing they could teach you.)Gather information through:
  • Journals
  • Surveys (Written or Electronic) that include questions about interests and passions.

Second-Hand Compliments: Find something to compliment about the student’s behavior or performance and relay that through another adult rather than delivering it directly to the student.

• • Positive note or call home
  • Positive office referral
  • Telling another teacher and encouraging

Maintain

The teacher continues to engage in positive relationship-building with each student through some of the following methods.

• Teachers use high ratios of compliments or other positive interactions to reprimands or other negative interactions.
• Teachers use brief relationship check-ins, in which the student is encouraged to share about their lives or personal thoughts, to support the student’s sense of respect and connectedness.

Restore

Conflict, reprimands, or other negative interactions are nearly impossible to avoid. However, teachers follow up each negative interaction with efforts to restore the relationship through specific communication techniques.

1. Taking ownership (e.g., “As your teacher I realize I could have handled the situation better, it’s actually my fault.”)
2. Apologizing (e.g., “I’m sorry we both had a rough day yesterday and for not being able to support you better class”)
3. Asking for a do-over (e.g., “I know things got a little rough between us, but here’s what I say. Let’s have a do-over and just try again today”)
4. Conveying care (“I just wanted to let you know that although your behavior was a bit difficult to deal with, I care deeply about having you in my class and think you are a pretty special student”)

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Promoting Positive Behavior and Engagement

As a teacher, I had a hard-to-swallow realization one year. It became very clear to me that those teachers who were really effective at establishing, maintaining, and restoring relationships had just as much time as everyone else. I realized that they were really good at making time for what was most important and knew that by being intentional with what they were doing related to relationships, they could improve student engagement as well as decrease problem behaviors in their classroom. The goal of Establish-Maintain-Restore is to build and maintain positive relationships with all individual students, and to focus intentionally on those students who may be most difficult for you to connect with. The result should be a better classroom climate and more engaged students because of the positive teacher-student relationships being created. This approach is a great way to foster effective communication, promote positive behavior in the classroom⁵, and enhance the learning process within the school district. It underscores the importance of employing teaching methods that recognize and nurture each student's unique potential.

As we reflect on our current understanding of education, let us reaffirm our commitment to respectful relationships and inclusive school programs. Together, we wield a powerful tool—the personal connection between educators and students. Through strong connections and mutual respect, we embark on a journey towards educational excellence, knowing that our collective efforts will shape the future for generations to come.

1 Dube SR, Anda RF, Felitti VJ, Chapman DP, Williamson DF, Giles WH. Childhood Abuse, Household Dysfunction, and the Risk of Attempted Suicide Throughout the Life SpanFindings From the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study. JAMA. 2001;286(24):3089–3096. doi:10.1001/jama.286.24.3089.      
2 Perry, Bruce. “Resilience: Where Does It Come From?” Early Childhood Today, Apr. 2006.
3 Fredrickson, B. L., & Losada, M. F. (2005). Positive affect and the complex dynamics of human flourishing. American Psychologist, 60(7),
   678.
4 Cook, C., Coco, S. (in press). Cultivating Positive Teacher-Student Relationships: Evaluation of the Establish, Maintain, and Restore (EMR)
   Method.
5 Cook, C., Coco, S. (in press). Cultivating Positive Teacher-Student Relationships: Evaluation of the Establish, Maintain, and Restore (EMR)
   Method.